Release Day Blitz: The Toilet Paper Wars by Jamie Engle

Short story collection (horror, humor, & historical)

Date Published: 7/23/2017

Publisher: JME Books

Have you ever noticed that reading a book on the toilet takes forever? Wouldn’t it be nice to have stories suited to your specific potty needs? This collection of short stories ranges from 50 words to more than 50 pages, separated in categories labeled to fit your bathroom needs: NUMBER ONE, NUMBER TWO, and FARFROMPOOPIN. The idea is to give you, the reader, a great deal of material to read, tailored and categorized to the needs of your intestines and bladder. So go ahead, get comfortable, pull out your Squatty Potty® and enjoy some fantasy, science fiction, horror, adventure, and humor from the comfort of your own throne…the john…the latrine…your office…the bathroom, whatever you want to call it. Just be sure to wash your hands once you’re done. 

Excerpt

“Get him to his feet,” Sarah ordered.

“Watch my shoulder,” Jedediah said. “Hurts like a son of a bitch.”

Sarah slipped beneath his wounded arm while Bobby Ray slipped under the other one. They led Jedediah to a seat that hadn’t been overturned during the fight.

The cowboy knelt before him, pulling back Jedediah’s shirt to scrutinize the wound. His face remained hidden by the wide brim of his hat. He wore hide boots whose origin Jedediah could only speculate and his skin smelled like fire.

“It’s not too deep,” the cowboy said. “Won’t take me a minute.” He pressed his large flat palm against the wound.

Jedediah bit the inside of his cheek to keep from screaming. His mouth pooled with the iron-taste of his own blood.

The cowboy lifted his hand.

Jedediah stared as the gaping holes in his flesh were completely healed; the tear in his blood soaked shirt was all that remained. “Well, I’ll be damned.”

“Be careful, bartender. You don’t meant it.” He leaned over the body of what had once been Frances Deveaux and whatever had tried to eat Jedediah. “This one’s dead.”

“Course he is,” Bobby Ray said. “You killed him.”

“No. This man’s been dead.” The cowboy rolled the body on to its stomach with the steel-tipped toe of his boot. “Was before he walked through those doors.”

“The living dead?” Bobby Ray whispered.

“Of all the unholy things,” said Sarah.

Beneath Frances Deveaux’s shoulder blade lay an empty cavity where his liver should have been.

“Detestable.” Sarah covered her mouth and swept to an empty seat near the bar.

“Did he say why he was here?” the cowboy asked, staring at the body.

“Not precisely. Just said some woman tried to kill him, so he gave her what she wanted.”

“And what was that?”

Jedediah gulped hard. “Me.”

The man looked up, his face in shadows. “You?”

“That’s right.”

“Did she say what for?”

“Never got to that part.”

The man didn’t say a word as he stared at Jedediah. Finally, he spoke. “Something’s after you, Jed. I’m gonna stay in town a while to figure out what.” He looked up. “You okay with that?”

His eyes shone in a radiant shade of violet. Dirty-blond hair fell ragged from beneath his hat.

“Yes, Simeon. I’m okay with it,” Jedediah said. “I think I’m gonna need some help on this one.”

“First thing to figure out is where this man’s liver went. Hopefully, it will lead to this woman you mentioned.” Simeon stood, walked back to the entrance, and turned in the doorway. “You all better get your feet shod,” he said with a smirk, tipping his hat, “because it’s about to get ugly.”

About the Author

Jaimie Engle was once sucked into a storybook, where she decided she would become an author. She has modeled, managed a hip-hop band, and run a body shop. She loves coffee, trivia, cosplay, and podcasting on ORIGINS, where myth and science meet (podcastORIGINS.com). Basically, if it's slanted toward the supernatural or nerdy, she's into it! She lives in Florida with her awesome husband, hilarious children, and the world's best dog. She also happens to have the world’s best literary agent, Saritza Hernandez. Become a fan at theWRITEengle.com. Follow on social media @theWRITEengle and pick up books at jmebooks.com.

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Comic Review: Tank Girl (vol. 1) By Hewlett and Martin

Title- Tank Girl (vol. 1)

Author(s)- Hewlett and Martin 

Genre- Comic - Adventure, Comic - Humor, Comic - Dystopia 

Tank Girl is hard to describe. She is utterly insane and lives in a post-apocalyptic world consisting of talking kangaroos, villains, and yes, her giant tank. The good thing about Tank Girl is, number one, she doesn’t care what people think. Number two she is fearless. Number three? Well, her fashion sense in amazing. The back describes Tank Girl as “an ignorant, beer-swilling, bestial skinhead [who becomes] an ignorant, beer-swilling, bestial blonde in a tank.” What’s more to love? 

Volume 1 of Tank Girl encompasses 15 issues ranging from October 1988 to February 1990. The comics are utterly, but purposefully, non Sequitur and it’s beautiful. I read through many panels thinking, “I don’t know what is going on but I love it.”

A woman like tank girl naturally has a lot of enemies. Or makes enemies along the way. Besides Booga, a trusted Kangaroo companion. Things don’t always come out the way Tank Girl plans, but she always comes out the insane victor at the end. It’s hard to defeat a woman who is, as I said, utterly insane and possesses a tank.

There are some really good features to the anthology. I particularly liked the cut out Tank Girl paper doll. It comes complete with uni-cycle and flask of coffee. The end also features a few pages of the original color covers of a few issues. I love it when anthologies include the covers—it gives a greater sense of what the comic looked like when it came out and it feels you are truly reading the comics as pieces and not as one whole massive storyline.

Blog Tour & Guest Post: Football is for Lovers by Robert Brooker & Kathleen O'Dougherty

About Robert Brooker & Kathleen O'Dougherty

Bob Brooker and Kaye O'Dougherty have been adventuring together for a lot of years now. They first met at a recording studio on 42nd Street. Yes, that 42nd Street. They recorded a commercial for E.J. Korvette's, who went out of business soon thereafter. Bob is an old saloon singer who, as Bobby Brookes, recorded for Victor and Capital back in the day. Kaye has trouble carrying a tune in a bucket. Nevertheless, over the years, as Brooker and O'Dougherty, the two have collaborated on a variety of theater projects, performing, writing, directing, managing, and producing. In keeping with the changing times, they have even created a cyber alter-ego named eBobb. Recently, Bob and Kaye both took long-overdue turns at being rather mature college kids. Kaye now holds a Bachelors Degree in the Humanities from St. Peter's College in Englewood Cliffs, NJ. Bob was graduated magna cum laude from Montclair State University with a BA in Theater, and is a member of Phi Kappa Phi Honor Society. For more information: Footballforlovers.com, Blog

About Football is for Lovers

Can learning about football be sexy? According to Football is for Lovers, when it comes to your love life, football can be better than oysters. The good news is that Football is for Lovers makes the basics so . . . well, so basic that learning the game is easy as eating an ice cream cone. And just as much fun. With anecdotes, illustrations, and a lot of laughs, Football is for Lovers not only makes it easy to understand the game, but also shows you how to put an end to the TV clicker wars, improve your relationship, and spice up your love life. It just takes looking at the game of football a little bit differently. Then again, since Football is for Lovers contains references to football great Jerry Rice in a pink tutu, images of paintings by French artist Jean Dubuffet, an alert about the dangers of speaking Northeastern Mandarin, an explanation of the value of M & M's in a relationship, and a Burma Shave sign, to say it looks at football "a little bit differently" may be something of an understatement. But if your football-obsessed partner has been making you a 'football widow' from August NFL pre-season through the February Super-Bowl, thus convincing you that you hate football, this little book may be just the 'different look' you need to discover that, after all, Football really is for Lovers!

Guest Post by Robert Brooker & Kathleen O'Dougherty

When you hear that a shared cause can keep a relationship flourishing, more than likely what springs to mind is sharing Grand Things like stamping out global hunger, or achieving world peace. Sharing football is likely not to have made it into your top ten. But maybe football deserves a recount. And no: we're not just saying that because we wrote Football is for Lovers. Actually, it's more why we wrote Football is for Lovers. It occurred to us that many of you may not have made the connection between the condition of your relationship and the condition of the planet. Which brings us back to what we see as the key to a truly electric relationship: sharing. Sadly, we appear to be to the ill-manner born. From the time we're mere babes, we're pretty much gimme sort of guys. Ever see the frown on the face of a toddler when she's told she has to share her Tommy the Talking Truck with her playmate? Ah, but then we fall in love. And we realize "amazingly!" that we are actually seeing someone else as being at least as important to us as we are to ourselves!!! Wow!!! Better than that: it doesn't just feel good. It feels positively EUPHORIC!!! Egos melt. Suddenly, we want to give our dearly beloved the world!! Hey, he can have our Tommy the Talking Truck if he wants it. Because now we see – no, make that now we feel – how wonderful sharing can be. But we're willing to bet that you still don't see the connection between Tommy, football, and World Peace. Well, there is one. And since we're also betting that you're feeling just a bit skeptical along about now, we're bringing in the Big Guns: Vladimir Solovyov. Hey, with a name like that, you just gotta take him seriously, yes? Well, you should. He's considered to be one of the greatest philosophers of the nineteenth century. Vladimir said, ". . . sexual love is the highest flowering of individual life." Oh, that Vladimir! But more than that, he said that love is "the beginning of the embodiment of true ideal humanity." That is, Vladimir sees this human physical love of ours as the doorway to that true ideal humanity that really would feed the hungry and end all war. Didn't know you had it in you, did you?! Okay. So love is a heck of a lot more heavyweight than you thought it was. But still: why football? We say, why not? Isn't it a grand way to ease yourself into the bigger stuff? It can rev up all that sharing energy you'll need for those anti-war protests and collecting canned goods to send to Wall Street. Don't understand the game? If you're a little shaky on the fundamentals, Football is for Lovers will teach you all you need to know. Quick and easy. So let yourself go! Cheer! Hug! Roll around on the rug a little. The world is counting on you!

Book Review: The Dysfunctional Father's Guide to Pregnancy Birth and Babies by XY

Title: The Dysfunctional Father's Guide to Pregnancy Birth and Babies 

Author: XY 

Genre: Fiction - Humor 

Finished: August 20, 2009

The Dysfunctional Father's Guide to Pregnancy Birth and Babies is a humor guide book for expectant fathers penned by a two man team who call themselves XY, and is illustrated by David Shaw. The book is an amusing look at how the ‘dysfunctional father’ views the road to pregnancy, the pregnancy experience, childbirth, and the first year of a child’s life. It is an advice book, a guide book, and a collection of personal stories somewhat exaggerated for comedic effect. Sensitive men and women should not read. If you are predisposed to the idea that all men are piggish jerks, you might also not want to read this book because it will just confirm your opinion. The tone of the book comes off arrogant and misogynistic, but the humor itself is meant to be tongue in cheek, so the authors are not trying to be politically correct or kind with their words. I have to admit, sometimes I quite disliked the authors, especially when I read the section on how to make your post-birth wife feel fat enough to go on a diet. It was absolutely horrible. You will probably also ask yourself at some point, “do these men actually love their wives?” While I don’t think that any man in his right mind would follow the advice given, I do think that it’s worth a laugh because some of it is quite outrageous and cruel. And the book itself might not be insight into the average male mind, but it is a peek into what I am sure every man thinks at least once in a while. I had a lot of fun reading it once I got over myself and decided not to be offended by the obvious disrespect shown toward women. Sometimes that made it really, really hard to like and enjoy, but I did manage quite a few laughs.

Book Review: Obama's Blackberry by Kasper Hauser

Title: Obama's Blackberry 

Author: Kasper Hauser 

Genre: Fiction - Humor 

Finished: August 4, 2009

Obama’s Blackberry by Kasper Hauser (a group of people, not just one man) is strictly a humor book for those among us who are politically inclined. Each page has, with a graphic of a Blackberry, texts supposedly passed back and forth between US President Obama and other world figures, leaders, and famous people. You have Oprah, McCain, Palin, George W. Bush, Geithner, Rumsfeld, Gates, Osama... you get the picture. The book exists to let us as Americans look at our leaders and laugh a little bit. You know how we love to make fun of our Presidents! Abe Lincoln sure is having fun up there in Heaven. And, well, we love to poke fun at other world leaders, too. The book doesn’t exactly portray anyone in a serious light and Icelandic navy books ARE made fun of. The only thing I would say is that you have to understand politics and some of the issues surrounding politicians and international relations to get the most out of Obama’s Blackberry. If you don’t know what is going on as far as politics are concerned, you are likely going to be lost or else not get the full weight of the jokes. The book is light, small, and enjoyable. I finished it in an hour. It’s a good book for just sitting down for a while to have a laugh.

Book Review: The Man's Book by Thomas Fink

Title: The Man's Book

Author: Thomas Fink

Genre: Nonfiction - Reference

Finished: July 7, 2009

Thomas Fink's The Man's Book is indeed an essential guide for any modern man. Split into broad subject topics, Fink informs men on everything they should know about health, sports/games, women, dress, outdoors, drinking, smoking, cooking, idling, and arts and sciences. Among the numerous topics, a man will learn the benefits of a wet shave versus a dry shave, how to cook a steak, the right wine to serve for any occasion, what suit to wear and when to wear it, what to stock in a kitchen, the equation for the perfect age of a potential bride, how to make a potato gun, and everything one needs to know about the man-of-men James Bond. If you would like to know Morse Code, it is in there. Curious about a few of the best cocktails? You will find them in The Man's Book. Need to make an origami wallet? Fink shows you how. And if you are having a hard time becoming a modern media man, you can follow the guidelines of the essential books and movies for any male. There is a lot of humor found in The Man's Book. Fink doesn't approach the topic of manliness and masculinity without a few jokes. I got a good laugh out of the urinal position chart. And the picture guide of beard styles? I laughed out loud, I'll admit. You need to be able to see the humor in being a man or dealing with men to thoroughly enjoy The Man's Book. You will learn everything you want and need to know about quite a few things, so you will miss out if you take life too seriously and put down the book. It is true that I am not a male and therefore don't need a guide to become the perfect modern male. But let's be honest here, most men are never going to learn all of these things for themselves and will thus never know what a man should know. Right? It is just as essential for a woman to know this information as it is for any man because she can-- and most likely will-- help guide him in the right direction. She can make sure he has the right suits, the right tools of hygiene, and the right liquors in the cabinets. Some of the information is even gender neutral. For example, women love beer and sports and chili, too! Even women need to know about wines and men's clothing and essential spices. It's not like this sort of stuff is born into women. We need a guide for these things as much as a man. As I read The Man's Book, I learned a lot that I can and will use in the future. I knew nothing about wine until now, for example. And I learned all of this with a laugh. The Man's Book is clear and to the point, but not a dry read. I think that The Man's Book is a great reference for anyone to have on their shelf. I am keeping my copy on an easy to reach shelf just in case my boyfriend needs to know what to wear or I need to know which wine to serve with my meal.

Blog Tour, Book Review & Author Interview: Visions on America by Jean Koning

Today I would like to welcome author, artist, and musician Jean Koning to Epeolatry.  He is here promoting his book Visions on America. It was a real pleasure for me to get to read his book since he is a pretty unique guy and I love people full of opinions. It proves the person is listening. For more information about Jean Koning, visit his personal homepage or the official !JP site.

About Visions on America

Visions' is a collection of columns written for the e-zine The Noise. A surprisingly intimate portrait on life and every day politics, accomplished with a fierce manner of writing. Inspired by his own research for the musical album 'Notes from Purgatory', Jean Koning digs deep into the well of his personal life and blends the stories he found there with his experiences and visions of the American Way of Life, to portray a whirlwind of emotion, anger and doubt. Dipped deep in a cocktail of absurdity and melancholy, the swift stories are built upon the eagerness to achieve a deeper understanding "in" trends, hypes and the corrupt world of commercial art. 

The stories' subjects change as swiftly as the Dutch climate. From Amsterdam hookers to New York art openings and the ongoing war in Iraq. From the duality toward American lifestyles and Hollywood productions to Barbie and Ken in a setting of ironic perversity. From a heartfelt letter full of tips for Hillary Clinton to a remarkable talk show with Oprah Winfrey. 'Visions' is a humoristic approach of the life we lead today, with a huge comment made on worldwide politics. This is our planet today, with America as the prime suspect, Europe as the jury and Koning himself as the brutal judge. Surprisingly enough, Koning doesn't point a finger of blame at anyone without pointing that finger at himself first.

My Review of Visions

Visions: on America by Dutch artist Jean Koning is a collection of columns written for an e-zine called The Noise. Koning writes in a tone that is blunt, humorous, opinionated, and unapologetic. There is a little bit of everything discussed in the succinct little snippets of life that Koning writes: sex, drugs, commercial art, finger pointing, rap music, coffee, public transportation, war... Did I mention that there is also some Oprah, Tom Cruise, and Hillary Clinton mentioned? And, best of all, some mentions of The Smiths and Morrissey? Though the subtitle is on America, the book is about a lot more than how non-Americans see America. The book is rather a reflection on life, the insight of one person who is without a doubt the culmination of personal experience. And it is refreshing and interesting to see the way that my culture, that of America, is seen by people in Europe. The opinions expressed are always amusing and never offensive, and maybe a bit pleasingly hedonistic, which we could all use a bit more of in today's world where news reports of international conflict shake us to the core. It also speaks of human reservation and the limitations that we place on ourselves, sometimes for propriety, and sometimes just because we want to fit in. Koning questions what art is, what freedom is, and why we place so many restrictions on our nature for the sake of what we perceive to be the better good. Yet, ultimately, the book is just funny. If you are a patriotic American, maybe an extreme right-winger, you might want to shy away or calm down a bit before you pick this book up because it is not a kiss ass book or a series of articles about "what's so great about America." I particularly loved the part about Tom Cruise's Interview With the Vampire role being nothing more than a ploy for him to come out of the closet to Brad Pitt and Antonio Banderas. If only, Koning, if only. I hope to see you on Oprah soon.

Interview With Jean Koning

Q: What do you do to prepare to write? What is the process that gets you ready to sit down a lay out a story?

A: It depends on what I'm about to write. When I try to write lyrics for my music, I usually have a theme of music that I write to. I try to make up a feeling or a story from the past that fits the music and start writing down just words and short sentences. That is such a different way to write than when I work on a novel. For a novel I think of the story. Once I think it's a story worth writing about I make up characters. I try to develop the characters in the earliest stage. And once the characters have voices, "this could take months, even years," the story tells itself. And then there are the columns. For Visions, I wrote on the spot. Things happened in my life and I instantly wrote down a few notes. Later I developed these scribblings into the stories that are collected in Visions. It seemed at the time the best way to work, since I wanted to show America a little bit of instant absurdity. My life is quite absurd, you know, but usually I realize weeks after an event the amount of absurdity that tiny detail in my life allowed itself to grow into. (Do you catch my drift, here?!) For Visions, I wanted to grab these moments and the feeling it gave me on the spot. In retrospect, perhaps the title should have been Tales from the crazy dude on the street, but who would buy that?!?

Q: Visions is a collection of e-zine columns and I am curious to know how you see e-zines compared to other forms of media. What do e-zines have to offer that make them unique?

A: I think e-zines are a left-over from the underground scenes. And that's exciting. I love the underground. I have lived there for many years. And there were these fanzines they used to put out there. I think e-zines in existence come closer to fanzines than to regular magazines. The exciting thing about that is that the e-zines are edited by those people who actually are topic-aficionados. I mean: an executive-economic-chairman with a passion for Mozart would never put out an e-zine about the necessity of punk-bands. He could do an e-zine about economics or the disastrous financial drama we woke up to. Or even Mozart. And he could attract readers who think alike. The downside of Magazines today is that they try to cover, like, the entire world. You can read about politics in Vogue and NME does fashion shoots with singers and bands. It's all a huge melting pot of information. And e-zines seem to cover only one interest. In fact it's a topic on line life and e-zines and blogs and so on I am working with right now. But that's going to be something musical.

Q: Visions is about life in America and the experiences of those in this country. If you had to sum America up in just one sentence, what would you write?

A: "Land of the free, home of the strange."

Q: How do you think people in the future will regard our present? What will they say we achieved or failed at?

A: This is an interesting question. I think-- I hope actually-- people will say we were selfish, stupid and numb. We have a close history of violence and warfare. The Second World War should be a school to our generation and the generations after us. But still there's war everywhere, all the time. Instead of learning from our mistakes, we wasted time perfecting weapons. Instead of teaching our children that every life on this planet is valuable, we teach them to fight for their dubious governmental rights. This is also an interesting point for the internet generation. We now have the ways of mass-communication; the world we live in has never been so small. But we don't know how to communicate. I love the saying: "You talk a lot, but you say so little!" I think that that one sentence sums up our generation. It's all talking and little to no action. We all scream and shout that we want to end all wars, want to end all poverty, want to end all hunger, but no body actually does anything. We have achieved the communication but we failed at communicating. Do you still understand me?

Q: I've looked around your website at all of your various projects and you've done a lot of stuff that would be considered edgy. Of course, a lot of people assume that this is for shock value only. What would you say to them? What do you try to impart on people through your art?

A: I would say: "I'm shocked that you think that way." But honestly, there is not a lot I can say to them. It's funny actually. Ever since I turned thirty, these mid-life-crisis-women-- do you know them? The type of woman who turns fifty and suddenly starts to paint and visit gallery openings and Jean Koning concerts. Nodding to the tunes of the music-- seem to understand me better than I understand myself. They find things I do suddenly interesting, but they voted against me ten years ago. The same women. And men, actually. I don't think what I do is quite shocking. Sure, there is some nudity and sure I write a lot of f*ck*ng words, but it is all a form of art. It is my voice. I don't want to shock people. I want people to understand that there are alternatives. It's not all just Hollywood. I tried Hollywood once, but I had to bleach my teeth. That was enough for me. I smoke and I drink a lot of coffee. It is not possible to bleach my teeth. Not anymore. But European cinema is the place where there is a lot of nudity. Even in some theatre pieces I've done, they've asked me to go the full Monty. But it's not different when I write. My words are also very naked. Hard, harsh and naked. But all of it comes from a good heart.

Q: What is the most valuable piece of knowledge that you've picked up after becoming a published author that you wish you knew from the start?

A: "There is a thing called 'genre'." I wish I would have taken that one more serious. I wanted to blend and mix and cook with French recopies and Asian herbs, but nobody likes that dish.

Q: What writer or writers are your favorite(s)?

A: I love the Beat Generation. Ginsberg, Burroughs, Kerouac.

Q: What is one thing you've never done but would love to do?

A: I still would love to do a Hollywood film one day. But without the bleaching. And when Hollywood doesn't accept that, I'd like to see how Steve Buscemi turns my latest novel (in Dutch only, but I'm hoping for a translation) into a film.

Q: What would your "theme" song be on the soundtrack of your life?

A: Wild is the Wind by David Bowie.

Q: Finally, could you share with all of us a quote that you love?

Once upon a time I was in my favorite cinema, where I watched Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil and at some point the main character "forgot his name" played by John Cusack interviews the Lady Chablis and then she says: "My grandmother used to say: Two tears in a bucket, M*therf*ck it!"  I wish I wrote that line. That's a lovely quote. And--this is not really a quote, but let's be funny here-- once I read someone's T-shirt and it screamed "Do you want to have my abortion?" which I thought was fabulous.

Blog Tour & Author Interview: Making Light of Being Heavy by Kandy Siahaya

About Kandy Siahaya 

Kandy Siahaya was raised in a small town in Maine where she graduated from high school in 1984. She worked her way up from her first job as CSW to Manager of Kentucky Fried Chicken and ended up in Brunswick, Maine. When she decided to leave the fried chicken business at age 22, she packed up her little Chevy Chevette and moved to Fort Myers, Florida where she worked as a waitress and had a great time as a single girl in her 20's. Reality hit when she was 25 years old and went back to Maine and received her Associates Degree at Beal College and promptly moved back to Florida and started a career in medical transcription. In 1995 at age 29, she met her future husband and moved to North Miami Beach, Florida, and continued with transcription starting her own business.

In 2002, Kandy left North Miami Beach and moved back to Maine with her five year old son and eventually divorced in 2005. Kandy still does medical transcription but had an unexpected decline in work which left her with a lot of time on her hands. This is when she decided to write a book. this is something she had been thinking about for a few years but never had the time because she was always so busy with her business. It was meant to be a quick and funny read, something to brighten the outlook of many that really do not see the light through their own tunnel vision. It was also intended to be insightful for those that could never possibly relate to this specific subject. Kandy has succeeded in doing just that with Light of Being Heavy.

Making Light of Being Heavy website

About Making Light of Being Heavy

These days everyone has a society-driven mindset and totally forget to laugh, especially at themselves. This may be cliche but I truly believe that laughter is the best medicine and I think everybody should laugh every day. Period. Over the years as a person blessed with the fat gene, I have been in many situations where if I could not find humor I probably would end up on the couch in the psychiatrist's office. This book is about as politically incorrect as it gets for such a subject but it is also based on reality. This is a reality that many women have just like me, but do not think they can (or should) at times just laugh about it. 

My intention when I started writing this book was to hopefully give insight to many who could never relate but at the same time perhaps provide a different perspective to women just like me. It is a point of view that has given me the strength to live my life happily and project these feelings onto everyone I come in contact with. I have a great sense of humor and a quick with and guarantee you will be laughing (and thinking) with each chapter of Making Light of Being Heavy.

Interview with Kandy Siahaya

Q: Your book takes a humorous look at weight issues. Have you always been so comfortable with yourself or did it take time? What was it that brought you to this point of being comfortable with yourself enough to put humor to it?

A: I do not think I was this comfortable when I was in grade school but through the years it has just kind of evolved into my way of thinking and I have a great sense of humor so it just kind of happened I think.

Q: Do you feel that the overall perceptions of weight would change if women (indeed all people) could learn to be more comfortable with their bodies and less influenced by the pressure of media?

A: Of course. We all watch the T.V. and read the magazines, etc. and it seems like people will automatically give validation to something just because they heard it or read it somewhere. But I think also for a lot of people it is hard to overcome something that has become so systematic because of the media and society's huge role in our lives in general.

Q: A significant portion of the population is overweight, so why do you think people still view it with such negativity?

A: I think people still view it that way because it has always been perceived that way and to convert a way of thinking has to start with each person, one at a time, and that is not something that is a quick process unfortunately. I do not know if this is a good example but another serious issue such as racism still goes on today and it is a way of thinking, it has gotten better comparatively speaking from years ago but look how long that took just to get where we are today. I think there will always be negativity about weight issues but hopefully we as a society will become more understanding and perceptions will start to change.

To look at something with humor is one of the best abilities to have. Unfortunately, a lot of men and women have had their self-esteem harmed due to weight problems. What would you say to them?

This is such a personal issue. I think a person has to make the decision to change the way they think. People may say that it is hard to do. Yes it is, but we are in control of what we think and ultimately can decide whether something will bother us or not. Just start making the decision that it is not going to bother you.

Q: If you had only a few seconds to explain to someone in brief the plight of an overweight person to help them understand what it is like, what would you say?

A: That is really a hard question because I do not look at my situation as a plight and it truly has no bearing on my daily activities. We all have something that we wish other people could understand but will they really ever understand? Probably not. A person who is short may wish that others could understand the plight of being a short person but I could never understand it because in order to really understand you must have the experience.

Q: What do you think is the key to true happiness?

A: Being happy with yourself.

Q: What would your perfect day be like?

A: My perfect day would be finishing my work early enough so that my son and I would be able to make it to mom's for dinner, come home and help him with his homework etc,, touch base with a couple of my good friends by phone before it is past their bedtime, and then relaxing to my shows after my son has gone to bed.

Q: What is your number one, end all and be all indulgence?

A: Macaroni Grill's loaf of bread they serve with olive oil and cracked pepper and we always get extra fresh-grated parmesan cheese mixed in with the oil....yum. And I just love to go to new restaurants!

Q: What is one thing, one piece of wisdom, that you know now and wish you had known all along?

A: You cannot change the actions of other people but you can change your reaction.

Q: Finally, would you share with me and my readers a personal favorite quote?

A: What my mother used to say, "Pretty is as pretty does." I actually Googled that for the heck of it and I guess it is an old fashioned saying that basically means a person may be pretty on the outside but their behavior ultimately is the deciding factor whether or not they are really pretty. When I was younger and my mother would say it to me I knew it was related to my actions and so responding in kind to people who were mean or spiteful was not the answer and I think that is when I started to learn to just let it go.

Book Review: Legs Talk by D.E. Boone

Title: Legs Talk: A Modern Girl's Dating Tale

Author: D.E. Boone

Genre: Fiction- Humor

Finished: February 22, 2009

Legs Talk: A Modern Girl's Dating Tale by D.E. Boone is a small book, about 112 pages with full page black and white photographs. It takes the reader through the story of a woman in a relationship with a man who has a special interest in her legs and her legs only. It begins as most of these type stories do: girl meets boy, boy comes on very strong, girl consents, boy turns out to be a big jerk, girl walks away, girl goes back, boy is still a jerk, the end.

The book is a short read, though; I read it in about 10 minutes. Each turn of a page brings a blank page with writing and a black and white photograph featuring below the waist leg shots. There are a lot of shoes and stockings, every now and then sprinkled with casual jeans and boots. The point isn't to show the faces of the two characters, only their legs. Legs are the focus, after all! If you could see the rest of the body, it would distract from the imagery of the legs. Since legs are the topic, they should be thrust into the photographic spotlight. Legs Talk takes a humorous look at dating. It's a great book for anyone who has ever broken up, or has gone back to the same man over and over again. True to the nature of relationships, the book is not cut and dry about how they do or don't work out. Within the short phrases and sentiment, you can see how confused the woman is about the relationship she is presently in with her leg fetishist boyfriend. She gives in to him against her better judgment, makes concessions to the man, and wavers in her decision to quit seeing him. I especially like the small piece of their post breakup phone conversation when the women replies to a "have you missed me?" type question with, "How can I miss you if you won't go away?".

The words are short and simple, but effective if not terribly sexist and problematic when it comes to issues of feminism, male masculinity, toxic relationships, and emotional abuse.  Knowing that Legs Talk  undermines important issues of feminism and abuse makes this book a not so charming read.  Rather, it is cringeworthy in its essence.